I think the time will come in everyone’s life when they feel an acute sense of loss, for the childhood that they had, for the chances they didn’t take.
It’s strange, no one really tells you how to grow up, how to “be” an adult. We just stumble through the experiences that make up life and somehow hope that we match up to some imaginary scale of adult-ness.
Life is such a big jumble of emotions and if we’re not careful, sadness can be the one that overwhelms us. We move from teenager to legally certified adult expecting certain things out of life but they invariably never come to fruition. We are left with this ache, this dark sadness inside of us that claws away at your hope and happiness.
Living in the moment, our perspective of existence, changes depending on how many years we have beneath our belt. That girl we lost at 15 years old was our entire world. We mourned the loss of something so amazing and loving. Looking back at 30 years old, and we chuckle quietly to ourselves, lost in the haze of what it meant to “be in love”.
I think one of the greatest struggles we have as creatures of consciousness is trying to make something of ourselves all the while knowing we have such a short time frame in which to make it happen.
From this, nostalgia takes its power and we look back at our younger years and lament the fact that we could have done so much more.
I do not know where I am going with this line of thought. I simply wanted to get it written down for it has been on my mind this last while.
Where do we go from here?
Onward to glory.
The room is full of men in suits.
Their eyes are glued to the two men sitting at a table in the centre of the room.
COLONEL: What you are asking of me, it, it is too much.
PRESIDENT: No it’s not. It is what’s required and I ask you not only as the president but as a citizen of this country.
COLONEL: I cannot do it.
PRESIDENT: You would go against me, dismiss my words that easily?
COLONEL: I do not want to go against you Mr. President but this is a decision which is beyond me alone. I must consult with my staff.
PRESIDENT: Colonel, do you understand what is at risk here? What we stand to lose?
COLONEL: Of course Mr. President.
PRESIDENT: Do you Colonel? Do you fully understand the ramifications of what will happen if we do not strike now?
PRESIDENT: If we do not act now, our country is at risk. On that, we can both agree. I want you to think however on the future. What happens after the invasion? Economically, our currency spirals downwards. Our exports drop in value alongside our currency and most likely our ports will close. Jobs will be lost which will in turn hit us harder economically. Politically, we will lose any influence we once had on the world. We were feared once, feared as a powerful nation. A nation of strong and unyielding morals. We were those called upon when countries descended into chaos. We brought democracy and hope into poor and starving countries.
PRESIDENT: All of that disappears if we don’t make take the necessary steps. If you don’t approve the kill codes. Right now.
The Colonel avoids his eyes.
COLONEL: I cannot-
PRESIDENT: YOU FOOL. Do you not understand what I am saying to you Colonel? Do you not understand that it is not just the present that is at danger? Do you not understand that it is our past and our future at stake as well? Our history as a country of strength and power, gone. Our future, as a country of wealth and influence, gone! What can I say? What can I say to you to convince you that if we don’t launch those missiles now, that if we don’t strike before they do, that all is lost?
COLONEL: Mr. President. I’m sorry…I cannot do what you ask of me. I will not become the destroyer of worlds.
PRESIDENT: I admire your strength Colonel. I really do. I do not envy the position I have put you in and I pray that one day you will forgive me for doing so. But it will be known that you, you, had the chance to save this country. And you didn’t.
PRESIDENT: You have condemned us to death Colonel.
-I don’t understand
-What’s not to understand?
-I’m not interrupting
-Yes you are. You’re doing it right now
-Sorry I’m late
-Grab a seat-
-Don’t think you can just change the subject and I won’t notice
-I swear to god there’s a fucking echo in here or something
-Alright. No need to swear
-Last time I’m gonna ask.
-What’s going on here?
-Stay out of it
-Fuck sake will you calm down, nothing happened
-I just have to leave. There is no “why”, it just is
-Not good enough
-Why did you call us all here?
-Because I need to talk to you all
-He’s lying. He’s called it off and now he is trying to wriggle out of it
-Wriggled out of what?
-Go on, tell them
-What’s he talking about?
-I’m leaving. I’ve called it all off. I had to
-When did you decide this?
-I don’t believe this
-Hey now, calm down it’s ok
-I’m sorry everyone, that’s just the way it is
-Just the way it is…
-I don’t fucking believe this
-You fucking traitor
-You fucking liar
-I don’t have a choice
-Yes you do!
-Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!
-Let her speak
-You had, have a choice. You always do. You’re just too frightened to see it through. And that’s o.k.. We’re all scared. Aren’t we?
-Yep. Scared shitless
-So you don’t have to call it off. You don’t have to leave.
-I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice
A man and a woman sit in an airport.
There are two seats between them.
W: That’s nice.
M: It is.
W: That you have them waiting for you, that they’ll be there when you get home.
W: I must say, I…no, I don’t want to be rude.
M: No, please, speak freely.
W: I’m sure you get so much of this everyday.
M: I do.
W: I don’t want to bother you when you’re going home.
M: Honestly. It’s o.k..
M: I’m used to it.
M: You want to know what it was like working with someone like Shia Labeouf?
He looks around to see if there is anyone near them.
M: He was a bit of a dick.
They both laugh.
W: No. No. I…no, although that’s nice to know.
W: How….how did you know that you would succeed? In, in your…god…I’m rambling.
W: How did you overcome the fear to go for what you wanted in life?
M: No-one’s every asked me a question like that before.
W: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t intrude.
M: No, no. I mean, in a good way. It’s normally questions about projects I’m working on or gossip from L.A.
M: No-one ever asks me questions like that.
M: How did I overcome the fear? I guess, I…
M: Tough question.
M: I guess I never really thought about it. I just had to keep moving and I ended up in acting. When I was a teenager, I didn’t have many friends.
She laughs, he laughs along with him.
M: I know, hard to believe. I didn’t though. I tried so many different things, singing, playing instruments and when I was twenty, I stumbled into acting. I think, I remember, it felt like…coming home, in a way. I had found people that for the first time in my life, I didn’t have to pretend around.
M: God, my english is terrible.
W: It’s so hard to imagine you having to pretend to someone. From what they put in the papers and that.
M: I know. To answer your question, the fear. I think, I just realised that, that…god this is hard.
M: If I was to make anything of myself, if I was to be someone that mattered, then I had to accept that fear was always going to be there and keep going regardless. Does that make sense?
She is smiling at him
W: It does.
M: I think, well, I feel like I was made for something special…whether or not that is true I guess, doesn’t really matter. It’s how we act on our desires that define who we are.
A flight is called over the tannoy
W: That’s me.
She packs up her things and stands in front of him
W: Thank you for being nice enough to talk to me. I know you have people following you all the time and taking photos and that. Good luck on your next…project, or whatever you call it.
M: Thank you. Take care now.
She walks away and he is left alone.
He stares at nothing for a moment then takes out his phone and punches in a number.
After a moment.
M: Just waiting a flight. I just wanted to say I love you.
M: And I miss you.
M: If you’re about the next few weeks, I’d love to see you. If you’re about.
He chuckles dryly
M: Don’t sell this message or anything, you’ll never prove it’s me.
M: Well. Bye I guess.
He hangs up
STEVE: Gerry. Gerry, no, wait a second, lemme talk Gerry. Come on now, are you going to turn down the chance to triple your investments within a four month period?
GERRY: I don’t need any more money.
STEVE: Everyone needs more money Gerry. Everyone needs more money.
GERRY: I don’t.
STEVE: The money to give your family what they need. Schools, hospital bills, university. Not a problem. Gerry. We can turn your billions in to trillions. Are you telling me you don’t want that? That you would turn it down?
GERRY: Steve. I can only assume that you’ve done your homework on me. Like the rest of your…colleagues who have contacted me in recent months. Do I assume correctly?
GERRY: So you know where I come from and who I come from. Money has never been the sole goal for my family. I won’t deny that it has made life easier. Of course it has. But I do not need billions or millions even.
STEVE: Gerry. Can I be honest with you? Can I?
Gerry nods yes.
STEVE: I don’t really know why I contacted you today. I think…I think it’s just expected of us when we join the company. You’re the, the white whale to…well…you get it.
STEVE: I don’t think I’m the same person as I was when I joined. I feel heavier I think, darker, if that makes sense.
STEVE: The more hours I put into this job, the more I’m coming to realise that I’m in it for the wrong reasons. I’m doing this for…my father. To show him, that I can make something of myself.
STEVE: Sorry Gerry. Sorry. You don’t have time to hear someone whine about their Daddy issues.
GERRY: I’m running late Steve, I have to go.
STEVE: Of course. Thank you for your time today sir.
GERRY: Come see me Monday, we’ll talk then.
STEVE: Alright. Thank you.
DAVE: Cafeteria is down here. To your right, the pisser. Watch it though, McGinty stinks the place up every morning from ten AM.
DAVE: Up ahead you got the working stalls. Normally cubicles in other places but John has created something different here. The floor is open and everyone can talk to everyone else. You got a problem, there is always someone on the floor that can help you.
DAVE: You taking this down?
DAVE: Seven AM. Assembly call. John leads the market news from the day before. We toss about ideas, shit from the internet, insider tips, anything that can push us ahead of everyone else. Then you’re in with the morning meeting with me til nine AM.
DAVE: You’ll learn fast Steve. You’ll learn fast or you’ll burn. I don’t care either way.
DAVE: Right. Get to work.
JOHN: Not exactly a glowing reference Steve.
STEVE: I don’t know why-
JOHN: Why do you want to work with us? Be honest now. I have seen enough in my time to know when I’m been yanked through the mill.
STEVE: Because of you sir.
STEVE: Because of you John.
JOHN: So? I have twenty more guys in the hallway out there. Guys with better references, guys with more money, guys that fought through fucking fire to see me today. They don’t give a shit about working with me. They want the money. And so they should. So I ask you again Steve. Why do you want to work with us?
STEVE: I want…
STEVE: I want the respect.
STEVE: Yes. I want the respect. I want…
JOHN: No go on, finish that thought.
STEVE: I want the respect. I want to pull up to this building and feel like a fucking god as I park my car. I want to leave my apartment building every morning, knowing that I am someone who is respected.
STEVE: I want to shove my success right up my Dad’s ass.
JOHN: You get one shot with us here Steve. One shot. You were brave enough to tell me the real truth and not just blow smoke up my ass.
JOHN: One shot Steve.
JOHN: You start tomorrow, 6am. Don’t be late.
ALAN: So the hexagons, they are different like…exports-
ALAN: Yeah, exports. Brick, wheat, wood, coal and sheep.
TIM: Sheep? Fuck off, little sheep figurines like?
MIKE: No, in card form.
SALLY: Can I have some sheep?
MIKE: The game hasn’t started yet.
ALAN: So…they’re exports. The aim right, is to amass a wealth of the exports through a rolling of the dice-
TIM: How many dice?
MIKE: Plural of dice.
TIM: Right. Alan?
ALAN: You get enough of the exports and then you exchange them for roads and settlements.
SALLY: Am I the orange one?
ALAN: Everyone got it?
ALL: Aye, yeah think so.
ALAN: Explain it back to me.
SALLY: You roll the die and get whatever export depending on what number is rolled.
MIKE: And the exports are used for roads and settlements.
TIM: And the aim is to mix the sheep with the roads so you gain points that you put into your settlements. Right?
ALAN: Let’s just play. Learn as we go.
STEVE: Dave, Dave, listen to me please-
DAVE: You had your chance Steve-
STEVE: I know, I know but-
DAVE: You had your chance.
STEVE: I know I did-
DAVE: How many chances do you get at this company?
STEVE: Dave. Please.
DAVE: How many chances do you get at this company Steve?
STEVE: One, you get one-
DAVE: One. Yes. You had yours, you blew it. Lost us what is most likely the biggest account we’ve ever had.
STEVE: It wasn’t my fault.
DAVE: Wasn’t…wasn’t your…
STEVE: Fault. Yes.
DAVE: When I brought you in here, I told you how we worked. You bring in the client, you do the ground work, hook em on deep.
STEVE: I know.
DAVE: Hook em on, don’t let those fuckers wriggle off. And you my friend, you bring us Benson’s. Fuck. I couldn’t believe it. Fucking Benson’s. I still don’t know how you managed that one. Fucking billion dollar company. You bring us Benson’s.
STEVE: I bust my ass to bring them in.
DAVE: I don’t doubt it. Gerry is a tough nut. I had a go at him when I first joined, sent me away fucking crying.
STEVE: I bust my ass.
DAVE: You bring us Benson’s. You have Gerry hooked on so deep I can see metal poking through his briefs. Slam fucking dunk.
STEVE: It was all luck Dave-
DAVE: I don’t give a shit. You did it, take pride in that.
STEVE: Look, just lemme talk to John. Can I talk to John?
DAVE: Sorry buddy. He’s out of town for the night. You only get me.
DAVE: You brought us Benson’s Steve and for that, you’ll always be remembered. Then you blew it.
STEVE: I did.
DAVE: You did.
DAVE: I want you out of the building by six. You hear me? Six. Not a minute later. You know how we work here.
STEVE: I do.
DAVE: Pleasure working with you Steve.
STEVE: Yeah…I…sure, same here.